MY WORLD

Today I dreamt once more of our indelible beginning... With dry nostalgia,  I found myself drawn to the dying embers of that distant memory  Had I not seen you   on that early spring morning  veiled in golden mist, imbued with the fresh scent of tulips,  with light dancing through the treetops, and water dews like sparkling jewels adorning the thickets of grass. I could still feel  the sweet warmth of sunshine seeping through my skin... the dawn chorus of the birds echoing through the forest, the slow enchantment of the dream-filled blooms, where the gossamer-winged butterflies swarm like confetti, sprinkling its fairy dust through the wind. Following the sunlit trails,  I reached that fateful place. Underneath the majestic oak, there lay a sleeping beauty. the slow and silent breaths blending with the gentle breeze,  playing a melody that sweetly stirred my heart. A stranger so familiar as if I've been yearning for forever. As those sleepy-jewele...

"People of Orphalese, beauty is life when life unveils her holy face. But you are life and you are the veil. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror. But you are eternity and you are the mirror." -khalil Gibran

W hen I was little, at every dawn I felt this shift in the atmosphere as if my room had transported into a different dimension, I felt this raw energy rushing in making me all jittery. It was the time of the day I looked forward to the most but it felt so fleeting and wasteful. Therefore to make the most out of it, every day after coming home from school, I would clean my room, burn some incense, and paint. Although I was a crappy painter, I loved to focus my brush into the canvas, it felt as if I am tapping into a different vibration, a distant memory, something I still, to this day, have a hard time understanding.  It would calm my mind and I enjoyed it. However, with this everyday ritual, I was attempting to experience something within me, which I never fully succeeded in. Thinking back, now I realize that it was my first attempt to meditate through my paintbrush. Eventually, I did replace the painting with meditation, well more of an attempt to meditate. When I gave t...

D o you have a place deep within, like a place surrounded by the woods, like a small mushroom cottage? With just the sound of the trees, the warm smell of the damp bark, and the silence enveloping your being. With no past and no troubling future, just the everlasting present to live. A faraway place where you forget the things and the people binding you, where you even forget yourself and experience something larger. Something that you've been thirsting to experience with your whole being, stretching the boundaries of your limited existence. Where you no longer are a part of the story but just a listener, a mere watcher.  Witnessing the stillness of this living forest. The life that is floating in the air, as bubbles of infinite shades, with a soothing glow they flow, bringing warmth and joy. Some big as pumpkin, some as tiny as little butterflies, all glimmering together go dimmer and dimmer until disappearing into the mist somewhere. 

Dear, how do I describe this place to you, this healing womb of nature, this early morning breeze, the warmth that surrounds me right now? This scene so simple, so mundane and yet it looks so surreal. I indulged myself to a hot cup of jasmine tea while admiring the beauty ahead of me. In no time the crowd began to gather in the streets below, transforming into this colorful marketplace. It was a busy day filled with people buying and selling goods, children running around happily. Suddenly I felt the need to close my eyes and immerse myself completely in the feeling that was manifesting within. Its as if everything around me feels so alive. Strangely somehow my tormented mind found peace in this noise. I realized then how dead I felt in the concrete city, it felt like living in a giant box. However, now it feels as if I've cut threads with everything else that was pulling me down before. It feels like I can just sit here and watch people pass by the whole da...

T he forces that dwell within, whispers gently... disguising as emotions: happiness, bliss, sadness, rage, fear, irritation, and some that I can't comprehend. They flow in like waves and I feed them. I feed them my time, my energy, my  thoughts, and even  my identity. I give them stories, stories of my past, my present, and also a possible future... give them faces of my friends, my lovers, and my enemies. I make an even bigger wave out of the one who had visited me and play them in a loop- tragedies of my past, arguments, ambitions, dreams, love affairs, regrets. In return, my emotions become stronger, more solid, engulfing me within- at times providing me with this fleeting satisfaction, other times just the heaviness in my chest.  However, instead of entertaining them, if I just observe these sentiments... if I become conscious of them . Their visits become shorter.  They just come and go like waves.  These forces, w here do they come ...

T ime, a mysterious and fascinating thing.The best way to depict it is through the needles of a clock. However, that alone fails to capture all the enigma it holds. I feel sometimes that it deserves a more creative expression, capturing all the complexities it possesses. But a simple mind like mine can't fathom it all, and yet sometimes... while painting, I get to drench in it for a while. A glimpse of the mystery, suddenly at my fingertips. 

  "My brain is only a receiver, in the Universe, there is a core from which we obtain knowledge, strength, and inspiration. I have not penetrated into the secrets of this core, but I know that it exists."                                                                                                                            - Nikola Tesla

In the quiet pause between my heartbeats, as I stop racing for a moment, and my breaths release my tangled heart, there lies a poetic stillness. The world, once chaotic, now slows to the rhythm of my exhaled worries.  My turbulent soul now finds tranquility in the loving embrace of the cosmic divinity.   ..... S ometimes you want to retreat, to be away from the world and disappear within. Forgetting the names and the faces, to-dos and to-be's, unlearn the ways of the world, and just be. Just remain as you were made, as you are.  It's been such a long time since I haven't just sat still and embraced the silence, enjoying my being.  I haven't  reveled  in the fact that I am alive, blessed to witness nature's dynamic beauty, with all its serenity and complexity.    I long for the gentle tap of the raindrops falling on my skin, the murmur of the breeze weaving through the trees, and the sweet warmth of the morning sun that seeps wit...

The illusions I carry arise from our flawed perception, which we take pride in; my convictions often obscure my reality. Following the unspoken rules, imposing restrictions on ourselves and people around, not realizing that in this infinite cosmos the boundaries I create does not exist. 

T rue Understanding only flows through receptivity, let it be a flow~  "like water which always runs towards the depth, with no motive to reach there at first, no aggression or ambition - UKN " Allowing the knowledge to flow through your veins, to mix its own color, flavor, and essence. To be like an empty cup, receptive, with a smile and gratitude, with great joy and compassion.

 Sometimes, you feel this strong connection, when words start flowing through you without any resistance, misunderstandings; encountering no barriers along the way. You see the cryptic messages hidden in the spaces between the words, in every sigh, in every breath. You sense the emotions right through their eyes and feel a strong familiar presence.    The more you get engrossed in the story being told, or the thoughts being shared the more you begin to see your mind and soul reflected on this stranger. A feeling you never knew you harbored has finally found a voice. Those beautiful words piercing and resonating, finding new territories deep within you...  unburdening you, lifting the haze that has long been blinding you.  Mysterious and sometimes perplexing are these varied encounters, and life is filled with these little sparkling moments. Fleeting may it be but each of these chance meetings is profound. It may be futile trying to understand ...

As I glanced at the sunbeams dancing through my window blinds and the rumbling of the winds softly fill in the silence, I felt a deep pleasure within. I sensed a warm healing presence enveloping me into a big bubble, permeating and expanding. I closed my eyes and took it all in one deep breath and it flooded over every inch of me. Such peace, such delight, such warmth, such bliss, we can hardly experience even with the things we most covet in our hearts. And yet how simple it is to attain.  Seems as though the simplest of men are the most content in life, the ones who find happiness. We, on the other hand, make our life complex, chasing after things that might make our unsatisfying life a bit better, may it be riches, romance, that perfect job, social status, places or something that might give meaning to our lives. We spend our whole lives pursuing it with the false hope of fulfilment. Although it might make our lives easier, alone these possessions can never quite th...

I can see, I can feel, I let it happen, let the imagination rush in, run wild, weave in stories, places... drown in the sound of rain outside my window pane, fuse in with the thundering, dive into an enchanted plane and catch the lost melody floating in the air the sweet murmur lingering since ages, unheard uncarressed, reverberating and remaining its just been there- awaiting unappreciated, untouched for so long yet so complete in itself, like a sea, it engulfs you into its unfathomable depth one dissolves in it if only attended, heeded, if she was to sip it in- this subtle flow of energy, slip into this vibration and what a beautiful fall it would be~ beholding the merging, the melting how beholder dissipates herself rejoicing.                                                               ...

But when the knot has tied, the strings will quiver reverberates and seeps out of me, and you will see the veils shiver ~ A bond so forged that wakes a new melody Lifting a curtain to a different dimension Where neither remains and the merge happens ~

It was a heart's whisper, her silent wish. Only it took a dozen scars for one to realize its worth. It's strange what we have to go through just to realize what we truly  desire, uncloak our feelings hidden beneath the deceptions we weave in, the lies we feed ourselves. This simple realization of our self and our needs, not only pulls us out of this endless circles of drama and troubles we constantly indulge in but also bring us the peace that we deserve. And the simple truth is that everything we ever need is all at this moment, but we have long ignored what was right in front of us. Simply being open to these moments, we are overcome by feelings of gratitude and joy as all the beautiful experiences gifted in these moments, transient may it be, are priceless.  There arrived a time in her life when she reached there, in that place... life took her to that phase, after all the loses, countless disappointments and the long wait, a ray of happiness, a mirror worth fig...

I n the end, all your left with are these moments, myriads of stars of various experiences, dangling in the dark, glimmering in the vastness, pushing the limits beyond the set boundaries fabricated through generations, fabricated by ourselves. Instilled in us are all these preconceptions and prejudices and slowly yet together we break from these restrictions, through our own little battles within, through these revolutions we bring inside ourselves, towards a better tomorrow, slowly but surely evolving.. separately yet together. All these different individuals, stories pulsating, coalescing into one. Each of these unaccounted, unseen struggles and sacrifices bubbling into these little gifts of freedom passed down through the ages- from the gallant, from the outcasts, from the rebels, silently building a stronger, wider foundation for us to stand on. Their eccentric visions paving a wider road for us to tread in, wider perspective to grasp on- one that accepts const...

My heart sings many songs, not particularly for someone, My heart bleeds and grieves,  tries to find a solace,  Not necessarily so in someone. She does that for it is her nature~ She blossoms when she finds an expression, to pour her devotion, her infinite affection She's desirous and jealous, insecure and fearful, Vengeful when broken, But with every pain she grows Warm and fuzzy, filled with kindness and reverence, Don't ask her to change, for it will be futile, How can She? that is her innate nature~

"In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. I f we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame , out inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others."                                                                                                    -Brennan Manning

T hey say you can never sever a bond that is forged in hatred, in this life or the other it will catch up, in one form or the other, because it remains. She needed to rethink the choices she's made, all the wrong choices she's made, reevaluate the bonds she's created. Rethink all those moments where she was made to feel alone and hurt, conflicted and emotionally drained. Despite all those efforts she'd put in, no warmth, no support was offered in return at her darkest times, only was swamped with coldness and hatred. She asked yourself why her love went unaccounted, unacknowledged? For all those people whom she gave a part of herself, she remains unyielding, unforgiving. She thought, no she knew, she deserved more. With no one there to console, she felt compassion towards her heart that's been bleeding, to her tortured soul whose been screaming. So, she didn't stop the bitterness to flow, she didn't urge her mind to pause for a while, to understand t...