Unrequited

They say you can never sever a bond that is forged in hatred, in this life or the other it will catch up, in one form or the other, because it remains.

She needed to rethink the choices she's made, all the wrong choices she's made, reevaluate the bonds she's created. Rethink all those moments where she was made to feel alone and hurt, conflicted and emotionally drained. Despite all those efforts she'd put in, no warmth, no support was offered in return at her darkest times, only was swamped with coldness and hatred. She asked yourself why her love went unaccounted, unacknowledged? For all those people whom she gave a part of herself, she remains unyielding, unforgiving. She thought, no she knew, she deserved more. With no one there to console, she felt compassion towards her heart that's been bleeding, to her tortured soul whose been screaming. So, she didn't stop the bitterness to flow, she didn't urge her mind to pause for a while, to understand the other person, not anymore. Such encounters which were a plain waste, such friendships which were so toxic, she wondered if she really needed those.

But since then she had been more observant of the little efforts others make, the quite gestures they acknowledge, the kindness they showered her when she felt down. She found those warm people amidst all, who are less self-absorbed, who sincerely cared, who loved without even their knowledge, perceived her mistakes without judgement, who in all were such pleasures to be around. They filled her up with warmth inside, lift her up when she stumbled. Their mere presence inspired and forced her to open up. Quieting the storm raging inside her, healing the wounds that have been reopened during millions of visits down the memory lane. These unasked gestures of kindness soothed her pain, that made all the bitterness she encountered before worth it.

May be such warm engagements are necessary to anchor you to the ground, melt you down, help to transform the deep aversion festering inside. For there is no way better to transform this negativity in you other than by being more loving. You can reflect on your mistakes, you can force yourself to understand those who have hurt you, but unless you find love within you, you cannot fully let go or be indifferent to them. Only then when you carry a lightened heart, understanding flows, clarity comes. Likewise, she was grateful to all those beautiful souls who had helped her in this process, in her journey, and she will continue to be grateful for those encounters yet to happen...