MY WORLD

My heart sings many songs, not particularly for someone, My heart bleeds and grieves,  tries to find a solace,  Not necessarily so in someone. She does that for it is her nature~ She blossoms when she finds an expression, to pour her devotion, her infinite affection She's desirous and jealous, insecure and fearful, Vengeful when broken, But with every pain she grows Warm and fuzzy, filled with kindness and reverence, Don't ask her to change, for it will be futile, How can She? that is her innate nature~

"In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. I f we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame , out inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others."                                                                                                    -Brennan Manning

T hey say you can never sever a bond that is forged in hatred, in this life or the other it will catch up, in one form or the other, because it remains. She needed to rethink the choices she's made, all the wrong choices she's made, reevaluate the bonds she's created. Rethink all those moments where she was made to feel alone and hurt, conflicted and emotionally drained. Despite all those efforts she'd put in, no warmth, no support was offered in return at her darkest times, only was swamped with coldness and hatred. She asked yourself why her love went unaccounted, unacknowledged? For all those people whom she gave a part of herself, she remains unyielding, unforgiving. She thought, no she knew, she deserved more. With no one there to console, she felt compassion towards her heart that's been bleeding, to her tortured soul whose been screaming. So, she didn't stop the bitterness to flow, she didn't urge her mind to pause for a while, to understand t

" k humari sabd bada gehera hai,  khumari kaa arth hota hai na to behosi na hos,  kuch kuch hos kuch kuch behosi, dono ki milan jaha hora hai woh hai sadhya kaal, jaha din milte hai aur raat milti hai, na kehesakte ho din hai, na kehesakte ho raat hai, aisi hi ek Bhitar awastha hain, jab ek taraf dekho ge to sab mast hote dekho ge, dusri taraf dekho ge to sab sthir~ ek tarf meera ka naach, aur ek taraf buddha ka maun. yeh dono jaha milgaye hain iska nam khumari" Geet ko uthne do, aur sajh ko chidjaane do chuppi ko chune do lafjo ke naram taaro ko aur lafjo ko chuppi ki jazal gaane do... jara samhal ne do meera ki thirakti payal, jara Gautam ke saday pau behek jane do Geet ko uthne do, aur sajh ko chidjaane do" ~ - OSHO ......

""Sometimes love isn't fireworks, sometimes love just comes softly"                                                                                                   --Janette Oke          Back   in the days there I was, a young heart and a fire burning inside.  My love, fiery and full of passion. But then I met those eyes, there was an immediate recognition, an instant connection. The strangest thing, she had a familiar presence, like an early evening dream. Out of nowhere these feelings rushed in, and I knew it was different, she was the one. After 6 years of marriage, still I wonder what's going on in her head, what makes her heart flutter, as crazily as before I am still in love with her, she still is my muse. Not always so of course, but time and again. For, like the waves of ocean marriage has its hard times. ....

~ Her love, silent and persistent, calm and enduring. Sometimes this coolness brought in my insecurities, which made her aloof and distant in my eyes- the constant cause of the tempest in my heart. Her silence and my impatience together built in a gaping rift. We are fortunate though, we never had to force our selves to stay despite this agitation, perhaps it was love, therefore we couldn't make us betray one another.  Taming our hearts from developing new love interests, excitement, and adventure that we thrived and perhaps even missed. Always as if bound by an invisible thread, a force pulled me towards her but my selfishness kept reminding me of the endless efforts I alone had put into our sinking relationship. Isn't this how bitterness spreads in until eventually, it turns into poison. We were a mix of fire and water, with either end torn up, hurt and vengeful. It left me to ask myself what really happens in between two people that makes the relationship eit

 As was I annoyed with some of her quirks so did I miss them at the same time, I had yet to realize I secretly adored all her idiosyncrasies- her nagging me while I lay lazy on my couch, the spark in her eyes when I gift her something nice, her singing in the kitchen, it has always been so pleasant to my ears, with her childlike laughter that brightened up my day, now I couldn't live without them. Maybe I grew old and so with time, I settled to love these nuances, these little moments, a lovely Humsafar adding colors to this brief journey of mine, a touch of gentleness. She was the cure to my ailments. Our bond did grow stronger we just had our egos in between now and then to ever accept it fully.  I felt it later, that love is more than passion, it has its roots deeper than that. For passion surely dies and with it, the initial attraction and that may shatter your expectations. And what comes next to fill in the vacant space, it may test your patience, for such