FALL

#Always thought the strings were so delicate that even a small shake can sever it, like a thousand blades cutting my heart to shreds.

 May be the memories of my first break down was so severe that it frightens me to weave another- another such thread of connection, such indulgence, pulling me towards it, tangling me in its illusions, caging me in its webs creating a  world fabricated - like a castle built in the loafty skies,  a world marveled with delusion, a fantasy, sprung from the deepest corners of your desires -your darkest desires, nothing but a figment of our own imaginations,  
But still strong and provocative...

befuddling and impairing our senses, and when this takes you to the height where reality and fantasy clashes … You fall thousands feet deep… All torn, unable to rise again. So, just to be safe I’ve shut the door of affection to remain apathetic toward others sentiments. Sometimes I think to myself of how restrained and ignorant I am when it comes to such,  but deep down it’s been wanting to burst out,  it is the emptiness  I feel that I am unable to fill up. A coldness that cloaks me in, and so I unconsciously cling on to anything that I find promisingly warm, in need of a touch of humanity. Cause deep down I fear I’ve lost it- the emotions, the will, that spark. I find my self desperately searching for something in people, in work, and everywhere around me, not knowing exactly what,  instead what I should’ve done was to search it inside and let all those fright scatter outside of me,  to risk it once again.

then again-to love someone the heart never asks of your  permission. So even for me, I was oblivious to the fact that the knot had been tied -which once touched gets imprinted there forever. You realize you know not of your true feelings, until that moment when you find once again shredded by the situation they're in. And then the remnant of past memories that u once tore, how you desperately try to it pick up…