A LONE SOUL- my sweet embrace

She went there- walking down the memory lane past all the noises, the hustle and bustle; stood in front the cafe till the window pane blazed like flame - letting the dusk unfold a poignant memory of a story unspoken. It was the place where she last parted her paramour. Empty and broken she came to borrow some of the feels and the will to live ... 

Sometimes the lost memories appear in our consciousness as fragments, triggered suddenly and unconsciously by something, taking us back to moments that no longer exists, like waves that pulls us to these moments of sorrow, moments of euphoria and joy. This seemingly innocent cafe also harbored such a capability. As she let her drown in the distant noise of the crowd, suddenly she heard a whisper in her ears, a deep voice echoed from within. A sound from her past she long buried, greeting her heart with such a sweetness- "Long time!", she said to herself surprised how she hadn't forgotten his voice. But she failed  refraining  herself from indulging in its bliss and agony , fretting over this single innocent memory. And like a gust of wind it had brought along the bitter-sweet remembrance... those subtle nuances of his habits, the blemishes she fell in love with, the spark in his eyes, all the mysteries still left to get acquainted with... it stormed in like thunder, jolted out emotions buried in deep, rippled and pervaded layers after layers, in the painful wait that now had turn into an ocean within~

She has missed him terribly over these years of solitude. But the thought of looking for her long-lost love again never got through. Not that her feelings for him hadn't enough strength, nor did she ever doubted love as pure as his, but she was ashamed to show him her heart, her deeds, for just how ugly had she become? She was ashamed of herself, impure and unworthy of his forgiveness, of his kindness. At the same time selfish to attain him, to have him as always. It is perhaps fate that decides how our story ends instead by the intensity which grabs us, the profundity of our feelings. For love remains encased in ego that runs many layers deep. In this world where we are entangled in the webs of forces beyond our comprehension all we're left with is the freedom to feel and react to the uncertain turn of events in our lives. 

                       
Sometimes stroked down by life, sometimes by her own foolishness, her life a series of mistakes, so weak that she had to find her strength in the memories of someone so distant, perhaps perfectly happy in his life somewhere- oblivious of her existence. Even so, it was the only part of her life untouched, so pure and that she had loved deeply, the only thing that brings a poignant smile to her face as she searches for some meaning behind her existence. For you don't necessarily need the the person you love to feel the same as you do, to let them transform you. Life is not a fairy tale, the typical romantic, happy ending stories that is fed to us from childhood. Its purpose is much bigger. And perhaps that was the lesson she was learning- to love endlessly without letting bitterness invade her rather lonely life. To understand that Love is not dependent on others but a quality one develops within themselves.

Looking back, she realized how much tears she had caused him, how much had she made him bleed. There she was chasing after the riches, the fame, the virtue, for power, for desire, youth, over countless faceless bodies, over their blood, soaked with pride, arrogance... She chased and she chased, until everything she chased for was gone, vanished as if none of what she believed in, what she lived for ever existed, just like an illusion, her whole life wasted. How foolish? There she blew her triumph when it was the mark of her inevitable fall. It was the day she really died.